This is an unofficial message from the government of Norway
Dear mister so called President Trump
Welcome to this introduction text about why you should make Norway second-ish. This is going to be a great text. The best. I could have made a video, but the text version will be better.
Norway is a great country. Well, it’s actually quite small, but it’s fantastic. It’s the best country in the world to live in according to the Social Progress Imperative. Last year they put us in seventh, but that’s just FAKE NEWS.
We have great fjords and mountains. Enormous mountains. One big attraction in Norway is called «Trolltunga». It’s fantastic. You should visit it, and don’t forget a selfie at the edge.
In 1994 we hosted the Winter Olympics. It was fantastic, it actually was. IOC-president Juan Antonio Samaranch said, and I quote «best Olympic Winter Games ever». He was corrupt. You’d would’ve loved him. He died. We are great in sports, even football – not that egg throw sports you call football. We have the best national football team in world. Not the mens. They are bad. But our womens national football team is fantastic. They make our men look bad. Not good. Total losers. Women. But I wouldn’t grab them anywhere if I was you.
Our coat of arms depicts a lion with an axe and a crown. It’s the best coat of arms. We even have stone lions outside our parliament. They are fantastic. In a unceremonious vote in a radioshow called «Nitimen» the moose was named the national animal of Norway. But they are ruminants and eat grass. Total losers. By all means, four stomachs are cool, but lions are way cooler.
When it comes to FAKE NEWS you wouldn’t belive how good we are. «Helt normalt» and «5080 nyhetskanalen» is the best FAKE NEWS. It’s fantastic FAKE NEWS. Just don’t read the ones about you – they are the best. We have a lot of people that believe these FAKE NEWS every day. They are the best. You’d reach far her.
We also like walls. We even built one on the Russian border. Well it’s not actually a wall, more a fence. But it’s a great fence. It’s 200 fantastic meters. We also built it ONE centimeter into Russia, so we have to move it though. But we will rebuild. And it is going to be even more fantastic. Only cost us about five billion dollars. Which is nothing to us. We have best money. And a lot of them.
As you know we also have the best oil, great oil. You can have it, if you make Norway second. We don’t need it. There will be a car ban within «Ring 1» i our capital city Oslo, or not. They can’t make up their minds. It’s true. They can’t. They are ridiculous.
Our Justice minister is like you when it comes to the environment, you’ll love him. He also hates those gold seeking refugees of war. Great personality. You could spoon.
In 2010 we gave the Nobel Peace Price to Liu Xiaobo. It was great. China went mad, it was fantastic. You might now also remember that we gave Barack Obama this prize in 2009, this was just because Thorbjørn Jagland really wanted to meet him. He thought it was fantastic. Sad.
So please remember your allies up north when you choose who comes second-ish. We totally get that America comes first, you have more guns. But can I just suggest Norway second-ish? We have the best bars, and we’ve even made the Swedish people serve us.
PS! As long as put Norway higher then our current FIFA-ranking, which is 84, we will be happy. So anywhere between 84 and 2 would be great. Or below. We’ll bow.
We are great.